For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16
He who makes a beast of himself, rids of the pain of being a man. – Samuel Johnson
1
19 YEARS AGO…
Waking up every Friday at Ariel’s Orphanage of the Protected meant good things were supposed to happen. Fridays were when the local charities would come by and drop off extra clothes and food. Sometimes they’d even drop off an outdated large screen TV or a video game console.
Friday meant that the ice cream man would come by and the children would buzz to the sound of the song playing out of its speakers like flies to a rotting carcass.
The local Boy Scouts would even come by and play. For nine year old Anika Valdez, it meant that Travis Mathews would come by and talk to all the children.
In the middle of the garden the children had planted, Mr. Mathews would sit and take time to talk with each child he saw. Judging by his apparel, it was assumed he was someone of professional status. Perhaps a lawyer or a teacher.
He was a kind man and never once seemed to remind them that he was an adult when he was with them. He would always take the time to answer their questions and play along with their childish tendancies. On occasion he would dance to their songs and tell stories about cuddly bears having adventures. The nuns at the orphanage admired his efforts and certainly had they not been nuns he would be a prime candidate for their more basic wants. As for Anika, he was someone she would want for a father.
She was never outspoken or one to stand out. At times she seemed completely withdrawn. The sisters were concerned she might be hurting herself or that there was a mental issue but Anika was an incredibly smart and imaginative girl. Some of the sisters had assumed she was a genius and that fact alone made it hard for her to be reached.
The nuns had come across many brilliant children in their day and they all had to work as a group to ensure that the child’s gift was being brought along at a pace that would challenge yet not lead the child into a dark place of sin.
Her talents would commonly lead to punishment for challenging rules or defying authority simply because she could see when a superior was lying.
The nuns joked that the children could ‘smell’ the lie but when Anika would catch wind of a lie she would give an understanding nod as if to say “I already know.” It was an interesing look. She would simply lift her chin and look up then look into the liar’s eyes. Being that confident in knowing something didn’t seem natural in the mind of the nuns. Surely some things had to be left to faith.
The interesting part of Anika’s shyness wasn’t that she was quiet.
She always seemed to be in a conversation or playing with someone or something that was or wasn’t there.
***
One day Mr. Mathews was having a long conversation with one of the nuns.
When several more of her colleagues to come over Mr. Mathews continued talking to the sisters
They all nodded their heads.
Then Mr. Mathews approached Anika. “Hey Anika?”
She beamed with anticipation.
The nicest man she knew was going to ask her something.
“I was wondering if you’d like to play over at my house this weekend? The sisters all agreed it might be good for you. It’ll be fun!”
She felt a rush of excitement – butterflies, the sensation of being a daughter, having a home, having loved ones.
He had taken children with him before so this was nothing new. They all came back and seemed to be exhausted from the weekend and slept for days.
She was eager to become friends and hoped she could find a place to belong.
Perhaps he had plans for adopting her?
***
He had offered to take her to the park; the one with the cartoon characters. She didn’t really like the park but she had seen so many other kids go with him in previous months she thought that if she didn’t he wouldn’t like her.
She knew she would come back very happy but she thought that when he asked her to come that there would be other kids to play with.
They stopped at his house instead of the park. Anika was slightly worried but wanted to be excited to think that this is what a family could be like. He tried to offer her ice cream and video games and to sing songs.
She tried to show she wasn’t timid by tilting her head and looking down while spinning her toes into the shag of the clean living room carpet. She didn’t want him to think she was a freak like the nuns had implied with their whisperings and concerns.
It was uncomfortable when he guided her back to his bedroom, lifted her onto his bed and removed his shirt.
She felt panicked and scared when he loosened his belt.
She was entirely threatened when he took his pants off and exhaled as if he the steam of being “nice” to everyone was being released.
He had looked at her like she was a slab of meat, seasoned to be eaten after tasting the flames of torture. He had wanted to tie her up, lick every part of her body and hear her scream.
He wasn’t a nice guy any more.
In some instinctual rush, her mind connected with all of her surroundings: The ceiling, his body, the lamp by the bed, all could be felt. Then something extended out from her and connected to his body.
It was a psychic charge from her mind. In an instant she could feel her attacker without touching him. It was a frighteningly intimate moment for Anika. She felt his taut muscles and sinister thoughts. He was strong and evil with every intention to do the unspeakable to her.
For a moment she thought maybe that this is what love was. She didn’t like the feeling or the guilty knot forming in her center.
The man she had seen as a father figure was slowly becoming contorted and deformed by her hold.
Anika then felt the ripples throughout the room that pushed Mr. Mathews back into the wall of his bedroom.
By the time she finally focused her eyes she saw that his nose was bleeding and his eyelids were open. She didn’t hear the words, “You bitch!” Although she did feel the words explode like a bomb in her brain.
He raised a hand to strike her but she flinched to protect herself and Mr. Mathews raised off the ground
She shivered.
He couldn’t strike her and she felt so connected to everything she was afraid to move. Her hands felt Mr. Mathews’ body and his muscles. Worked and built in his narcissistic ideal of beauty.
She also felt the fear in him. She sensed something snapping and breaking in his brain. His urges were gone but for her it wasn’t enough. She didn’t know what to do but she wanted him to never hurt her or anyone else again. Then she spread her arms and she heard the awful snapping splatter.
Mr. Mathews was scattered on the walls of the bedroom. And her.
For what seemed like an eternity Anika was frozen in fear.
A flash of darkness surrounded her.
The venetian curtain that covered the nearest window in the room and what ambient light came through reflected off the dust that swarmed the room. She eventually imagined each speck, fleck, bit, smidge, and reflection was a star in her own personal universe. Admiring the swarming and orbiting reflections created, she tensed her core and hoped things could go back to the way they were.
Alone in this darkness there was no noise but how she felt about herself and the casual fleck of light reflecting off a speck and how it dazzled her blessed sense of now.
Anika felt Mr. Mathews’ fluids on her skin start to clot and dry. Specks had touched her lips and she licked them to spit the blood off her mouth. She became aware of what was inside her for the slightest of moments then she spit and gagged reflexively.
She was snapped back to awareness by the shock in her throat and she felt a rush of danger enter body. Still surrounded in darkness she had no choice but to listen to her instincts to hold her ownself in tight. Embracing herself in the fetal position and draped in the guts and blood of what once was her father figure she could only keep herself sane by pretending she had covered herself in a blanket that nothing could sneak underneath.
Alone in the darkness she imagined what ‘safety‘, ‘family‘ and ‘love‘ felt like. She had been told it was warm and protective so she remembered a moment she had in the late spring sun warming her while she laughed with her friends as they talked about dirt, boys and said words like ‘cute‘ and ‘crush‘.
With all of her mental and physical guards up she felt the rush of voices bombarding from beyond.
Something very evil was trying to get her and tear her apart. She tensed and focused. She became stronger but that was when the voices strengthend.
The horrible sounds of hissing and crunching with voices muttering an unrecognizable language. They grew more excited when she shivered in fear and mocked her. Occasionally she’d understand something but it was never more than one word. Then she heard two connected.
Godless whore.
The teasing and torment continued.
It was seventy two hours later and she was in the living room where she had feigned interest at the singing and game playing that was to charm her. She babbled words that tried to explain to police what she did to Mr. Mathews after they had removed her from the bedroom. One officer wiped off the blood from her face and spoke in a soothing, human voice. At least as soothing as one could be when picking liver chunks out of a victims hair. The officer was experienced but no less shocked at the crime. She touched Anika settling the rush of words.
“Sweetie?” The officer started.
“Anika? Can you tell me what happened?”
The officer asked calmly while removing fleshy chunks from Anika’s hair and dropping it into an evidence bag.
Anika felt the acidic ache in her abdomens from tensing for 72 hours relax. Her face and throat unhinged and came down as she relaxed and knew she was okay.
She lacked the verbiage and cognitive skills to truly describe in a rational way what had occurred. All she could think was the Mr. Mathews had been torn apart. She might have been able to say that were it not for the feeling that something was in the shadows of the room watching.
She began pleading for them to take her out of the house and as she was picked up and taken to the hospital the officers really only felt pity for her. A refreshing change of pace after two days trapped in a room being mentally tortured by hell spawn.
Shaking, dehydrated, hungry and in shock, her thoughts quieted as the ambulance pulled away.
She had every reason to believe she was safe from him.
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